if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
