Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
