he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
only you would photoshop your dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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