Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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