i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
