I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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