So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
