I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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