my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
