I'm jealous of your bromance
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
