All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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