I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
