All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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