He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
