U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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