honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
