Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's paint friendship bongs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
