Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found your dick twin last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
