it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
