Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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