just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
