My liver just broke up with me...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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