No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
