id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
