I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
