Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
