I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
