The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would fuck him just for his dog
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