he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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