when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
