You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
