We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
