theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
