Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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