Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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