Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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