my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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