I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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