a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
