So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just pee around me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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