Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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