So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
