Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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