Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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