between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
