I don't usually arrange sex via text message
id be glad to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
