you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
