i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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