Your tits are I can't wait for
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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