how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
