just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
