a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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